violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
Well, it's a good thing I finished my Yuletide assignment early, because this depression is not making things look good for finishing the treat I've got half done.

(Or even yumadrin. Oh dear.)

ETA 27th: finished treat, no drabbles, go me.
violsva: Sidney Paget illustration of Holmes and Watson, seated, with the caption "Cut out the poetry, Watson" (Holmes)
Title: Inclination
Author: Violsva
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes
Rating: G
Warnings/Enticements: Case Fic, PTSD, Canon-Typical Violence
Word Count: 2966
Summary: A convalescence, a revelation, and a promise.

On AO3.

So in October when I wrote this I was horribly depressed and I thought it was awful and I felt awful about even submitting it, but decided that was better than defaulting, and I've just reread it and it's actually pretty good. So. We persist.

I'd have something more specific to say about skewed self-image and things, but I'm not better enough to know what it is. I really am glad I was wrong about it.

Fragment 31

May. 3rd, 2014 06:42 pm
violsva: full bookshelf with ladder (Default)
And this, which I could queue on tumblr when I wasn't feeling fragile and then went ack when I was about to repost it but look, people, I know Greek.

Sappho; translated by, um, me

That man seems equal to the gods
to me, who sits across from you
and from so close can hear your sweet
speaking

and lovely laughter, as they force
my heart to shudder in my chest.
For when I briefly look at you,
speaking is lost,

instead my tongue sticks, subtly
a fire runs under my skin,
my eyes see nothing, roaring fills
my ears,

cold sweat pours over me, trembling
grips all of me, and pale as grass
I am; I seem to be so close
to dying.

But all must be endured, since
a poor and [
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
Dear Brain:

Just because it is raining does not mean I have not accomplished anything today.
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
Did laundry
Said "mm-hm" on the phone with my mother for 20 minutes
Updated wall calendar

Back to work tomorrow, which I suspect may not go well. No sleep last night.

On account

Jan. 25th, 2014 11:43 pm
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Washed dishes
Called in prescriptions
Researched archaeological digs (OMG!)
Sent letters
Wrote about 300 words on a couple things, and I'll do more in a sec
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Finished and backed needlepoint from November. Let's see if I can get that here from Tumblr.

Crappy webcam image )

Cleaned bathroom.
Filled in literal accounting for the last two weeks.
Wrote more than 300 words.
Went out with [personal profile] knumpify and talked about stuff and bought books and felt better about self and work prospects, and may have helped with his stuff a little too.

I feel like I did more than that. Well, woke up at seven, for a start.
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Went to library
Bought groceries
Researched alternate employment, sort of
Edited a lot of things

Last part of Arte Regendus is now over 12000 words and honestly almost done, yay. And i am having ideas and it's rather nice. Even if I'm also clearly still sick.

Accountant

Jan. 22nd, 2014 11:47 pm
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
Returned library books.
Went to Mom's for dinner.
Made a Tumblr. Don't ask me why. Icons will be showing up once a day for the next two weeks, and thereafter very rarely as I make them.
violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
Went outside rather than hiding in bed all day. Returned library book. Talked to [personal profile] knumpify about work stuff.

Also I just look up the Trillium Drug Benefit form.

Some of my physical issues at the moment may be related to stress, but some of them are definitely due to forgetting to eat, goddammit.
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Done:

Took out garbage and recycling
Talked to Mom
Researched psychotherapists
Had dinner with Dad
Wrote 300ish words and filled up one of the major gaps in the last chapter of Arte Regendus
Set up dropbox for writing stuff with [personal profile] knumpify


I've thought of something I could actually do with Tumblr. Still don't like Tumblr or its implied philosophy, but many things on it make me happy.
Also knumpify has writing projects.
Also I've had this list of magazines around for a while, probably time to start thinking about actually submitting things.
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Today I wrote about 400 words on something that desperately needs to be finished, and I will take out the garbage on my way out, but in general nothing happened, and I didn't get out of bed until 5.

But I'm damned well going dancing, dammit.

Edit: went dancing, didn't take out garbage. Had fun.

Accounting

Jan. 17th, 2014 11:57 pm
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Things done today:

Did some research on early 20thC Toronto
Told relatives (the important ones)
Talked to [personal profile] knumpify
Went grocery shopping
Read Fun Home by Alison Bechdel
Wrote over 600 words
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Done today:

Finished reading a novel.
Washed all the dishes in the apartment.
Fixed bed (I hope).
Made two icons.
Asked for help.
Decided to do these posts during time off.
Transcribed over 2000 words from notebook, with additional plot ideas and much swearing at voice recognition programs.

I also sort of researched the ESA.
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
So I saw Frozen on New Year's with my sister, which was exactly how to do it. I don't know if I like it as a movie (Can't stand the comic relief character, but can't stand Disneyish comic relief in general) but I certainly like the message. It's also one of the Bechdel Test passing movies that outperformed everything else this year. If you want to see it go see it in theatres.

There was a wind chill warning for a bit Thursday and Friday, so I saw it at the perfect time. Not very cold in my apartment, though - in fact I have to remember not to open the door to the boiler room or it gets way too humid here.

On the other hand, it has an awesome triumphant musical number about being yourself and being awesome and abandoning all your friends and relatives and responsibilities so you can be alone for the rest of your life. It's very catchy. Elsa's issues are actually quite a good metaphor for an anxiety disorder, at least at the beginning.

Brain continues attempting to eat itself. We persist.
violsva: Sidney Paget illustration of Holmes and Watson, seated, with the caption "Cut out the poetry, Watson" (Holmes)
So Sunday I got the day off, which I wasn't expecting, and then we had a power outage. The ice was very pretty and I have lots of candles. It's back on now.

My anxiety has been up to 11 since about Wednesday, but there's not really anything I can do about that. Having the next week off work will definitely help.

I have been having Way Too Much Fun with Yuletide Drabbles. It's great.
violsva: Sidney Paget illustration of Holmes and Watson, seated, with the caption "Cut out the poetry, Watson" (Holmes)
I like writing out of order. You can write Holmes and Watson sneaking around and then a paragraph of making out and then more sneaking around later on, and it feels like the work is getting longer all by itself, rather than always being at the end of it and trying to figure out what happens next. I know what happens next, it's the bit that leads to that part I've already written.

The last chapter of this thing is going to make up for its lateness in length, my god. Nearly 9000 words and it just keeps going. But I think it should be good.

Now sleeeeep, and tomorrow more goddamn packing and then figuring out ordercup and windows 8.

I had an anxiety attack at work this morning, but I took an hour hiding in my boss's office and then kept working, which I guess is something to be proud of.

I so miss having a cat. No space, and my landlord wouldn't like it, and the poor thing would be alone at least nine hours a day.* But. Cat.


*My brother-in-law: "That's why you get two cats!"
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
You think your job has cured you of anxiety about telephones and then you try to call people up about apartments. Ack. Keyword there being 'try' - I never actually got around to dialing. I'll try overpreparing and then calling tomorrow.

Otherwise I am fine and it's a pretty good day, but I am both anxious and frustrated about being anxious. Which is not conducive to fic editing, although I've already got quite a bit of that done.
violsva: Sidney Paget illustration of Holmes and Watson, seated, with the caption "Cut out the poetry, Watson" (Holmes)
Fact: Writing is better than not writing.

Fact/Value Judgement: Writing good prose is better than writing poorly.

Value Judgement: Writing original fic is better than writing fanfic.

Value Judgement: No one will ever like this why am I bothering augh.

Facts trump Value Judgements.

That is all.

Profile

violsva: full bookshelf with ladder (Default)
violsva

September 2017

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213 141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 01:16 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios