violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
Well, it's a good thing I finished my Yuletide assignment early, because this depression is not making things look good for finishing the treat I've got half done.

(Or even yumadrin. Oh dear.)

ETA 27th: finished treat, no drabbles, go me.
violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
Okay, self. The reason we do not get into discussions of the thing is because it triggers perseveration which makes us unhappy. If we do get in a discussion of the thing, even if it’s because we have something important to say, the reblogs etc. will probably add to that. (Also, the vast majority of my followers: do not, thankfully, care about the thing at all.) You came up with a whole bunch of fic ideas during July. It is probably better to focus on those. If that means staying away from anywhere that is not highly curated, by me, then we will have to do that.

I don’t seek out posts about how Gifted kids are all spoiled brats, and I’m not going to seek out posts about this. It can go on without my involvement. If other people aren’t saying what I think should be said, I’ll live, and so will they.

(oh, fandom)
violsva: Sidney Paget illustration of Holmes and Watson, seated, with the caption "Cut out the poetry, Watson" (Holmes)
Title: Inclination
Author: Violsva
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes
Rating: G
Warnings/Enticements: Case Fic, PTSD, Canon-Typical Violence
Word Count: 2966
Summary: A convalescence, a revelation, and a promise.

On AO3.

So in October when I wrote this I was horribly depressed and I thought it was awful and I felt awful about even submitting it, but decided that was better than defaulting, and I've just reread it and it's actually pretty good. So. We persist.

I'd have something more specific to say about skewed self-image and things, but I'm not better enough to know what it is. I really am glad I was wrong about it.
violsva: Team Rocket cheering (yay)
Finally got a haircut. I have been spending the last month and a half alternating between "Oh god people are scary I don't want to talk to people" and "Oh god it's in my face GET IT OUT OF MY FACE."

So we're back to really really short and happy, yay.
violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
People keep saying there’s a link between creativity and depression. And there is. Specifically, you’re MORE creative when you’re LESS depressed.

I know that when you have a mental illness you want to feel like there’s an upside. But the whole point of depression is that there isn’t one. It sucks. Maybe there is a link otherwise, maybe people who have been depressed but aren’t now are more creative than other people’s baseline. I don’t know. Studies are inconclusive. But being actually in a state of depression right now means being less creative than you could be.

If you are creative when depressed, you will be so much more creative when not depressed. You rock for being able to overcome the ‘hating yourself and everything you do’ part of this illness. But imagine not having to overcome that. Because the drugs or therapy techniques are overcoming it for you so you actually have time to get shit done.
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
Dear Brain:

Just because it is raining does not mean I have not accomplished anything today.
violsva: full bookshelf with ladder (Default)
So everyone should go read The Café Elsinore by hoc_voluerunt. And then come here and talk to me about it.

It's made me think about modern adaptations and changing portrayals of mental health and the cliched argument over the transfer of power between generations in comedies vs tragedies and how parental relationships in Shakespeare compare to parental relationships in fairy tales. And I haven't had all these thoughts in my head at one time since university or mayybe when I was reading Aurora Leigh the year after, and oh, my brain is back.

(My brain is actually having serious difficulties at the moment, but the return of my critical reading skills can only be a good sign)
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
Did laundry
Said "mm-hm" on the phone with my mother for 20 minutes
Updated wall calendar

Back to work tomorrow, which I suspect may not go well. No sleep last night.

On account

Jan. 25th, 2014 11:43 pm
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Washed dishes
Called in prescriptions
Researched archaeological digs (OMG!)
Sent letters
Wrote about 300 words on a couple things, and I'll do more in a sec
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Finished and backed needlepoint from November. Let's see if I can get that here from Tumblr.

Crappy webcam image )

Cleaned bathroom.
Filled in literal accounting for the last two weeks.
Wrote more than 300 words.
Went out with [personal profile] knumpify and talked about stuff and bought books and felt better about self and work prospects, and may have helped with his stuff a little too.

I feel like I did more than that. Well, woke up at seven, for a start.
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Went to library
Bought groceries
Researched alternate employment, sort of
Edited a lot of things

Last part of Arte Regendus is now over 12000 words and honestly almost done, yay. And i am having ideas and it's rather nice. Even if I'm also clearly still sick.

Accountant

Jan. 22nd, 2014 11:47 pm
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
Returned library books.
Went to Mom's for dinner.
Made a Tumblr. Don't ask me why. Icons will be showing up once a day for the next two weeks, and thereafter very rarely as I make them.
violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
Went outside rather than hiding in bed all day. Returned library book. Talked to [personal profile] knumpify about work stuff.

Also I just look up the Trillium Drug Benefit form.

Some of my physical issues at the moment may be related to stress, but some of them are definitely due to forgetting to eat, goddammit.
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Done:

Took out garbage and recycling
Talked to Mom
Researched psychotherapists
Had dinner with Dad
Wrote 300ish words and filled up one of the major gaps in the last chapter of Arte Regendus
Set up dropbox for writing stuff with [personal profile] knumpify


I've thought of something I could actually do with Tumblr. Still don't like Tumblr or its implied philosophy, but many things on it make me happy.
Also knumpify has writing projects.
Also I've had this list of magazines around for a while, probably time to start thinking about actually submitting things.
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Today I wrote about 400 words on something that desperately needs to be finished, and I will take out the garbage on my way out, but in general nothing happened, and I didn't get out of bed until 5.

But I'm damned well going dancing, dammit.

Edit: went dancing, didn't take out garbage. Had fun.

Accounting

Jan. 17th, 2014 11:57 pm
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Things done today:

Did some research on early 20thC Toronto
Told relatives (the important ones)
Talked to [personal profile] knumpify
Went grocery shopping
Read Fun Home by Alison Bechdel
Wrote over 600 words
violsva: Geoffrey Tennant, offering a skull (have a skull)
Done today:

Finished reading a novel.
Washed all the dishes in the apartment.
Fixed bed (I hope).
Made two icons.
Asked for help.
Decided to do these posts during time off.
Transcribed over 2000 words from notebook, with additional plot ideas and much swearing at voice recognition programs.

I also sort of researched the ESA.
violsva: Mulan squinting at a bowl of food (morning mulan)
One of the problems with moving out is that I have lost easy access to Mom's recipe for apple crisp, which can be used to make one of the best comfort foods around. So I had to guess at this one, and it worked, so I'm writing it down for times when I don't even have the spoons for experimentation (and I had pretty few spoons this evening as it was).

Take 3 tbsp butter, because that's what was left of the stick. Soften in microwave. Add 4 tbsp flour, 3 tbsp brown sugar, and some cinnamon. Cream together. Maybe a drop of vanilla, too.

Add 1/3 cup rolled oats. Mix.

Slice an apple into really thin, small slices. You could do this into a separate bowl, but I just shove the crisp to one side and then mix it all again afterwards. If it's in a separate bowl, pour on the topping, preferably in layers.

Eat.

Or, you know, you could put it in the oven or something, I guess. Theoretically.
violsva: Merida from Brave, with the text "Solve all your problems by turning your mother into a bear" (Merida bear)
So I saw Frozen on New Year's with my sister, which was exactly how to do it. I don't know if I like it as a movie (Can't stand the comic relief character, but can't stand Disneyish comic relief in general) but I certainly like the message. It's also one of the Bechdel Test passing movies that outperformed everything else this year. If you want to see it go see it in theatres.

There was a wind chill warning for a bit Thursday and Friday, so I saw it at the perfect time. Not very cold in my apartment, though - in fact I have to remember not to open the door to the boiler room or it gets way too humid here.

On the other hand, it has an awesome triumphant musical number about being yourself and being awesome and abandoning all your friends and relatives and responsibilities so you can be alone for the rest of your life. It's very catchy. Elsa's issues are actually quite a good metaphor for an anxiety disorder, at least at the beginning.

Brain continues attempting to eat itself. We persist.
violsva: Sidney Paget illustration of Holmes and Watson, seated, with the caption "Cut out the poetry, Watson" (Holmes)
So Sunday I got the day off, which I wasn't expecting, and then we had a power outage. The ice was very pretty and I have lots of candles. It's back on now.

My anxiety has been up to 11 since about Wednesday, but there's not really anything I can do about that. Having the next week off work will definitely help.

I have been having Way Too Much Fun with Yuletide Drabbles. It's great.

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