(no subject)

[violsva]

So I was wondering why I wasn't really feeling much about the situation. There were specific anxieties, like dad being in the States, but in general I wasn't anxious and I didn't feel the need to check the news every hour and all my issues were more depression in reaction to the lockdown than the pandemic. And this is a coping mechanism in itself, which gaudior has written a post about that I'm not linking directly because I'm on mobile, but it was odd.

And now I've realized that what was actually happening is that my brain is dealing with the anxiety with its standard coping mechanism, which is somatization.

I haven't had serious anxiety like this in so long that I kind of just forgot about it. But yeah, that's how it goes - anxiety may or may not be noticeable on a conscious level but it goes straight to physical symptoms.

(I *also* have some kind of non-covid infection, labyrinthitis or something, but the anxiety is making it Much Worse and probably also responsible for me catching it at all given that I've barely seen people outside the house for three weeks.)

Also legitimate reasons or not, it's really annoying that when I *can't* write I really want to write and feel like I could if only I could concentrate, and when I have time to write it all goes to staring at the internet and distraction.