We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far

I am having a lot of trouble both picking up books to start and concentrating on them while reading. Even reading D&D sourcebooks, which is all my brain really wants to do right now, I sometimes have to read a sentence three times for it to penetrate. This is probably seasonal depression.

Anyway, I have still read some.

Recent: I finished Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft earlier this month, straight through, with no particular reason or plans to work on a horror campaign. Enjoyed it very much.

Finished Packaged Toronto: A Collection of the City's Historic Design, which I got from the spacing store last year and have been reading slowly ever since. Vaguely related to Four Apples but also just my city, yay. I would have liked more detail on most things but that's a constant state.

And in my quest for ever-smaller M/M pairings, I have started reading D&D: Honour Among Thieves fic, and I recommend Counterpoint by Geese_In_Flight if you like plot and ethical conflicts and people not talking about their emotions.

I also read or reread a bunch of short stories: more than half of The Bone Key (great as always, would have finished it if not for library holds), "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" (definitely an early 19thC New England gothic story), and Mistakes Were Made by coveredinfeels (awesome. I don't know Dragon Age beyond watching consultingpiskies play a few times, so I can't speak to canonicity, but lots of fun and set in my favourite kind of modern AU).

Current: This is the part where I feel like nothing's happening. I am flipping through various D&D sourcebooks and reading the sequel to Counterpoint, above. Other than that, I have not made much progress with Middlemarch, and I read the first 15% of The Teller of Small Fortunes and I like it, there's no reason for me not to read it, but I haven't got back to it. Maybe because I haven't spent much time on public transit (I wrote that yesterday, but today I was on public transit and the focus still wasn't really there).

Future: I have got The Dire Days of Willowweep Manor out of the library again.

I have a Jeannie Lin novella out from the library, I have various fics lined up, and I am wondering if audiobooks would be more manageable right now. Alternatively I am considering taking March off from expectations.

So a lot of people have been posting pictures of pretty things and cute fluffy animals right now, and I am extremely grateful for that. And if you need more cute fluffy animals, I do have a kitten tumblr.

But on the other hand, trickortreatex author reveals were today. So if you feel like what you need right now is some dark fucked up escapism, well, then have I got a fic for you.

(And when I say escapism ... well, that would be a spoiler.)

Title: The Marriage Beneath the Shade
Rating: Explicit
Fandom: The Great God Pan - Arthur Machen
Characters: Rachel M., Helen Vaughan, various nymphs, satyrs, etc.
Warnings/Enticements: Horror, Dubious Consent, Missing Scenes, Body Horror, Transformation, Dreams, Pretentious Classical References, Orgies, Erotic Asphyxiation, Masturbation, Dirty Talk, Explicit Sexual Content (involving teenagers), Dead Dove: Do Not Eat
Summary: Her memories of those days were often confused. It was a blissful confusion, though. All of that summer felt like a dream, a very physical embodied dream.
Wordcount: 5593 words

On AO3

I'm feeling very accomplished right now.

Title: Come to Dust
Rating: Teen
Universe: Dimension 20: The Ravening War
Characters: Colin Provolone, Delissandro Katzon, Amangeaux Epicée du Peche, Saprophian Hivemind, Original Mushroom Character(s), Possibly Other Canon Characters
Warnings/Enticements: Alternate Ending, Sharing a Bed, Jealousy, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Parenting, Canon-Typical Violence, Nightmares, Body Horror, Psychological Horror, Mind Manipulation, Memory Loss
Summary: In this moment, connected with the creature, you sense a sadness, and a maternal protectiveness of its children, and you all immediately understand that if you don’t run now, you’ll never see the Bulb’s light again.

Colin, Deli, and Amangeaux don’t make it out of the Heart Chamber.

The fungus doesn’t kill them, though. It never meant to kill them.
Word Count: 4661

On AO3

One of my few superstitions is that I don't want to talk about anything good until it has already happened, in case I jinx it, but today was my first day at work and everything is good, so I think I can say: DW, I have a job! A full time job! With benefits! Yay!

Apart from that, I have been liveblogging and writing various meta about Dimension 20: The Ravening War on Tumblr: Calorum, Amangeaux, Karna

I also wrote a poem which contains massive spoilers for A Court of Fey and Flowers.

Marvel Femslash Drabble Exchange is open.

Mostly unrelated to that:

Title: Girls Like You
Rating: T
Universe: Marvel
Characters: Natasha Romanov
Summary: Strong female role models build and reinforce young women’s capacity to achieve their dreams.
Warnings/Enticements: Red Room, Backstory, Various Dark Themes
Word Count: 337

On AO3

( Actually let's cut this. ) It's been so much nicer inside my head since I drifted away from Tumblr.

I feel like this should have all the warnings, but nothing graphic actually happens. I just went there mentally, a lot.

( Blood and Bile )

Robert Browning

The rain set early in to-night,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listened with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneeled and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soiled gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by my side
And called me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o’er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me – she
Too weak, for all her heart’s endeavour,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me forever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could to-night’s gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshiped me; surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propped her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorned at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gained instead!
Porphyria’s love: she guessed not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirred,
And yet God has not said a word!

So everyone should go read The Café Elsinore by hoc_voluerunt. And then come here and talk to me about it.

It's made me think about modern adaptations and changing portrayals of mental health and the cliched argument over the transfer of power between generations in comedies vs tragedies and how parental relationships in Shakespeare compare to parental relationships in fairy tales. And I haven't had all these thoughts in my head at one time since university or mayybe when I was reading Aurora Leigh the year after, and oh, my brain is back.

(My brain is actually having serious difficulties at the moment, but the return of my critical reading skills can only be a good sign)

Took knumpify out to The Bourne Legacy. Lots of fun.

Awesome parkour chase scenes! Is it still parkour if you're on a motorcycle while doing it? Scientists! Evil government officials! Bechdel test passes! Really!

...Lots of gore and violence, and the evil side are really creepily evil. But fun.

I've only seen the third one of the series, once, and I don't think any prior knowledge was necessary to follow the plot.

Also, I am apparently terrible at recognizing characters if they change their haircuts. But we already knew this.