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violsvaSo on most days I am mostly female. The amount of "mostly" varies. And then there are days like today, when I woke up okay but felt vaguely wrong between my legs, and then this afternoon read some stuff about boundaries and thought about a very mild incidence of boundary-crossing last night and was suddenly horribly aware of my breasts.
Yesterday I was perfectly happy in a lacy purple camisole and a men's button-down shirt. Today I've bound my chest but kept on the women's t-shirt saying "Don't be trashy, recycle." I look like a guy borrowing his sister's clothes and man, am I happy with that.
I've always been uncomfortable with my (D cup, gah) breasts, but the rest of this only showed up later. I've been having increasing gender identity questions for the last five years. But most of that time I was female with occasional switches into androgyny, while in the last six months or so I can sometimes ignore it but mostly my femininity is noticeable and makes me uncomfortable.
But it's a physical thing, not really a social one. I'm okay with presenting as female (usually butch, but female) and people treating me as female so long as they aren't trying to hit on me.* It's mainly just my body that's giving me issues. This doesn't seem like it should make sense.
My psychiatrist reminds me of my mother, and is clearly Christian, so I have not been comfortable even bringing up my sexuality with her. Which is fine for someone I mostly need for prescription writing purposes, but if this keeps up I might look into counseling, I guess?
*So far as I know, women don't hit on me. But I'm really bad at recognizing flirting, so I wouldn't know if they have been. I would probably be perfectly fine with it if they did, even though I really don't like when men do it. But, you know, I'm not interested in men right now, so that's reasonably logical.
Discussion of gender identity and body dysphoria above.
That's about as far as I've got, here.
Yesterday I was perfectly happy in a lacy purple camisole and a men's button-down shirt. Today I've bound my chest but kept on the women's t-shirt saying "Don't be trashy, recycle." I look like a guy borrowing his sister's clothes and man, am I happy with that.
I've always been uncomfortable with my (D cup, gah) breasts, but the rest of this only showed up later. I've been having increasing gender identity questions for the last five years. But most of that time I was female with occasional switches into androgyny, while in the last six months or so I can sometimes ignore it but mostly my femininity is noticeable and makes me uncomfortable.
But it's a physical thing, not really a social one. I'm okay with presenting as female (usually butch, but female) and people treating me as female so long as they aren't trying to hit on me.* It's mainly just my body that's giving me issues. This doesn't seem like it should make sense.
My psychiatrist reminds me of my mother, and is clearly Christian, so I have not been comfortable even bringing up my sexuality with her. Which is fine for someone I mostly need for prescription writing purposes, but if this keeps up I might look into counseling, I guess?
*So far as I know, women don't hit on me. But I'm really bad at recognizing flirting, so I wouldn't know if they have been. I would probably be perfectly fine with it if they did, even though I really don't like when men do it. But, you know, I'm not interested in men right now, so that's reasonably logical.
Discussion of gender identity and body dysphoria above.
That's about as far as I've got, here.